Tragic Love Story

1986 was a year that will change my life forever, sitting outside on one summer's day a flash of beauty just passed me by her name was Zia, now this was love at 1st sight, gasping for breath I tried to get control of my self.

This moment was going to change my life forever.

From the moment I looked into her eyes, I knew she is the one, the one I would spend the rest of my life with, until my time was done.

I was lucky enough that soon someone suggested a night out.I at the time was ecstatic as my only wish that she would hopefully be there.I was even more thrown over board when I heard she would beThe few hours I had to wait felt like a few days, wow the time has arrived to fetch her.She gets into the vehicle and we are on a night out to remember

I can't stop keeping my eyes off herI try to hold her and she is abit defensive at first.

The evening is the most romantic as you could get a full moon with the backdrop of lovely mountains I start to talk her and hold her hands.She gives in and we hold hands.This was the softest hands I have ever held in my life.I just could not let go from that moment forward.

We walked around holding hands very discreetly my heart pounding away as I have never felt like this for anyone in my life; I was shocked at the way my heart was pounding.

This was the first time I had all these emotions, where just new to me.

This was the night where the grass was green; this was the night where the moon lit so bright.This was the night of discovery. The night of recovery... This was the night of a new love the night where we became one.

We walked and let out some very inner feelings the evening felt too short ,she turns around and we are alone ,I put my arms around her I feel her soft gentle lips on mines and this is my first kiss.I kiss her passionately as I have never kissed anyone like this before.I felt abit embarrassed, did I kiss her correctly or did I look so stupid.For me this was the kiss of a lifetime.From that moment forward all I could do is only think about my love.I count not eat sleep or do anything without thoughts of her on my mind.This was the start of a relationship that would last for eternity.

I get home all flushed ,excited ,with butterflies in my tummy not knowing what was actually happening to me ,I asked is this love what is this I cant breath ,Oh god help me make sense of what is going on in my heart.My parents where taken back with me asking me if I was sick or was something wrong as I was too occupied with her on my mind and not saying much.

We spent days and nights on the phone even sleeping on the phone this love far beyond anything I could have ever imagined.Within 5 months by parents moved near her family which took me miles away from my sweetheart.

We got to live near some of her family which I got to know very well and spent allot of time around them Zia would come down on holidays which was brilliant.Everything between her family and I seemed perfect as could be.We would meet discreetly from the family until we both felt we where ready for marriage.We by now have been going out for 3 years the love just got stronger with every day.

First we both come from Indian families' culture religion plays a major part in our families.Culturally & religiously what we have been doing would have been deemed in correct.Having a romance like we have was taboo at the time.Our long distance relationship went on for years with me travelling to her on every opportunity I received.The feeling of being loved giving her every attention I could give from my body heart and soul.We lied hid and did anything possible to get every moment together we could manage.

By now we could not keep our hands off each other and being a part for anytime was something neither she nor I could handle anymore.Well she and I both decided that it was time we spoke to the family as they know me so well over the years and there really should be no problems if my parents asked for her hand in marriage.I was lucky as my parents where very liberal so it was much easier for me to talk to them.

We have a family meeting with my parents and my sister I make my intentions known and confess my love for the woman I love and I asked them to please ask her parents for her hand in marriage.Her dad passed away so her uncles and mother needed to be consulted, this is the cultural way of how things should be done.

My parents set up a meeting with her family and I have been asked to be present at the discussion.The day comes when we go and we ask for her hand in marriage,

I feel a very uncomfortable when we enter but play that down to me just being nervous. We take a seat and great everyone, as we are all familiar with each other. One of her uncle's is an Accountant and he asks me a few questions. General questions which I answered to the best of my ability.

I start to sense or get the feeling that somehow things have changed overnight, they are asking me questions as if they never new me. It was a scary feeling.

One of the questions was how I would look after his niece as I have no qualifications because I have left school early to help my dad when he got ill.My dad and I both suggested that he has a business and I would run that business which eventually I would inheritHe did not seem very impressed with that answer.He said to me he has high hopes for his niece he would prefer someone more professional and would some qualifications someone like a Doctor or Lawyer even an Accountant.

Businessman or self-employed was not very professional in his eyes so I got the feeling.He also asked how much money I have.At this point being young and naive I was getting very upset as I got the impression that I was in the bank applying for a mortgage.I kept my cool and listen carefully to everything they had to say.By this time I realised that her family did not approve of me, shocking as it was to realise it sure was the truth.He went on to say to me that without a profession or a degree life would be very difficult for me, I even offered to study thinking this would please him.

Harsh and it hurt to bits what I was hearing worst was that I am not going to have the woman I love more than life.The normal situation when you ask someone's hand in marriage they have a few days to come back to you.So we where told they will let us know.

A few days later they came out with an excuse so it does not look bad that his nice was too young.My parents apologised to me saying they have done the best they could do and can't really do anything more.I could not handle this we both decide we will not allow the families to break up the love we share.

Zia lived 700km away from her family at the time with her mum and 3 sisters.We carried on our secret relationship yet again knowing the family won't approve of us, we both could just not let go.Being that far away I had met a friend where I live by the Name Jane, Jane and I got very close as she was there for me to talk too.I had many moments where I used to feel so useless and speak to Jane about my inner feelings.The love that my beloved and I have would conquer all was my thoughts.

Zia has a friend who is getting married and she was invited to the wedding, her friends and I have met on many occasions, they supported our relationship and hoped we could get married as well.I was down for this wedding and Zia and I talk we share our thoughts of how do we deal with the families, I love her so much yet her family cant see 

that, well shocking to me I hear from her that the following day her family had arranged and allowed someone to come ask for her hand in marriage.

Hearing this just drove me insane, these same people said she was too young to get married now all of a sudden she not.This just confirmed to me these people where money hungry bigots who where looking for there own benefit than cared anything about how Zia and I felt.

Zia cried and said to me if I go home tomorrow they are going to marry me off to someone else.I told my sweetheart I will not stand for that.She and I discussed the best thing to do was to elope and get married that way no-one will ever keep us apart.Well we got into the vehicle and went off to do just that, we go to a family member of mine and tell them our predicament ,they suggest Zia calls home and let her mum know she is with me and not coming back home.We also make our intentions known that we intend to get married.

The night draws till the morning with phone calls and threats all roads are manned searching for us.My parents get very upset with me as they tell me this is not the right way to do things.My uncles and most of my family by now get involved in this love triangle.Most of them felt I am bringing a very bad name to the family and should not get married like this, they all promise me they will get us married but I need to do it in the correct manner.I asked what the correct manner is as I have been down that way and they want to marry her off to someone else.They promise yet again give her back and we will start all over again and guarantee we will be together.

After some pressure from my parents we agree.

This was going to be another memorable chapter.

We arrange a meeting with her family to hand her back and arrange an engagement the following week.At this meeting I had my mum's brother representing me and her uncles came there to take her back and discuss things.I noticed the moment I walked into the room my so called uncle was not there to represent me but save face for the family.I sat there in what supposed to be a discussion only to get blasted at how I kidnapped there niece and being brought down to feel like the worst person a live, by this time I could not even look at Zia as I felt my darling I have failed you yet again being young being naive I had no resources but to remain silent and watch the love of my life being taken away yet again.

I suspected then that I have made the mistake of not getting married while I could as now it's going to be even more difficult, still I would not give up hope and said well next week they promised to have us engaged.

Zia gone back to her family all I had was hope so I went back home, when I got home things got even worse her family had no intentions of ever getting us married ,Zia as soon as she got home was banned from leaving the house or even answering the phone she was given the hiding of her life leaving her bruised black and blue hearing all this drove me insane ,I have failed my love yet again ,I would sit up at night talk to Zia in my mind apologising to her cause I have failed her yet again ,I am supposed to have protected my love and I cant even do that .

Her family was not done with me on a Friday they get hold of me they assault me and bundle me into the booth of the car.I only got left alone when more people came around the vehicle.I had 2 of her uncle's assault me and one watch guard and they made it clear that I was never going to have her.The Monday I had a Policeman come to my house with a charge of kidnapping. I went to the police station and also opened a charge for Assault.Her uncles asked me to drop the assault charger and they would drop the kidnapping charge.Well that took care of the legal matters but it sure did not help in me 

getting my sweetheart back.

The Accountant was full of threats he told me that if I don't leave Zia alone I need to remember she has 3 more sisters and they will all suffer the harder I push and they would make Zia's life a living hell.

This was a turning point for me I have failed my love in everything so far, will I now ask her and her sisters and mom to pay for something I am totally responsible for.I could not, Jane & I and I got closer as I would tell her my most inner tthoughts and how confused I am in the direction I should take.I would tell her how much I love Zia and cant stand the pain I am putting her threw.

Jokingly I say to Jane ,hey Jane if we hook up maybe Zia would forget me and move on to a better life ,maybe I am not good enough for her ,she deserves the best all I have given her is a is pain sorrow ,heart aches and failure.Jane laughs and says yeah why not hey, feeling totally heartbroken and dying for a hug I put my arms around Jane for some comfort, well that just lead to Jane and me kissing and ended up spending the night together.

I work up in the morning hating myself, I was going insane, by now I had felt terrible.Jane and I had a talk the following day where I apologised for my outburst, I told Jane I love Zia very much and what happened with us shouldn't have 

happened. She also Apologised being the kind person that she is, at least we are still friends was her words.I started having thoughts of hoping if maybe Zia haltered me she would get on with her families wishes I hated my self as well because I have betrayed her.

I felt if I got involved with someone else at least Zia and she and her family will be spared by the wrath of her uncles they all could move on with their life and things would get better and easier for her.I started a relationship at this point with Jane, Jane was always there for me when I needed her and I guess she was the easiest for me to latch on too.

Jane and I discussed Zia and I made it clear to her that I could never love anyone as much as I love Zia also that if Zia ever needed me I would be there for her. Jane finds out she is pregnant this I read as a sign to let Zia move on with 

her life,I explain to Jane my feelings for Zia and we discussed to handle our situation.

Jane and I get married on the 1st of April 2000, by now us expecting our 1st child. I do my best to move forward on a life that will make it easier for Zia to get on with hers, I hoped she would by now hate me so much to at least find someone who would not fail her as much as I did.

Zia was sent away to keep us out of reach of each other; I thought this would also help her make a life.My love for her was so deep being married I would go to bed every night thinking and hoping she was ok ,Jane new how I felt, I at this time and was very patient with me.I felt I have hurt so many people around me including Jane, I was totally lost ,Jane would hug me every night and say to me time heals old wounds ,I got to realise as well that Jane actually had fallen in love with me.

I was not sure if Zia's life got better as in society she would have to keep the relationship she and I shared a secret, if anyone new very few with marry her.I still felt although I am trying to help her I have stained her life for ever...

Zia gets married I hear about it and with tears in my eyes I break down, I miss her so much I still love her eventually I get to grips and realise I should be happy for her as I say to my self sweetheart at least your life is going to start, our love we share will be ours forever.Zia's husband is a man not even I could stand up to she truly got the best. Her family allowed this marriage purely as a factor anyone but me is now good enough all there talk of profession went out the window.

Time has been going and the saying time heals old wounds only if that was true.I have been trying best to contact here I just needed to hear voice and tell her I am sorry for everything I have put her threw. After some searching I mange to get a phone number. I phone her to check how she is doing.

Hearing her voice gave me goose bumps, trying that she does not hear the frog in my throat and the tears in my eyes I ask her how she is doing and Apologise for my failures.I can hear in her voice the love we share is burning bright in her heart. She tries to hide her feelings for me and I do the same, we always managed to think for each other so well.She would always know what I was thinking and so would I. We started to talk to each other every now and again just checking we both where ok.

Zia was pregnant now that was great news amazing, you would think I was the father I was so happy for her.Her life for once now is going in the right direction. We have kept contact all this time yet we have been apart for Twenty years. I still feel her love in my heart I guess I only look forward to everyday that comes just in case I get a glimpse of my sweetheart. My love for Zia is unconditional I will love her until my last breath. I do my best to be a good husband to my wife and I also feel guilty for my failures and misgivings.

Jane and I are still married I try to be a good husband for her and she and I have 2 kids my daughter aged 16 and a son aged 12. I have grown to also Love Jane in a very different way she has been by my side all this time. I laugh, I joke I put on a front that everyone accepts my life as they see it perfect in others eyes.

I live my life everyday with pain, agony and live purely as a son to my Parents, Father to my children, a Husband to my wife and a Failure to the one I Love the most

The 26th of December 2006 will be 20 years for Zia and I.

The names in this story have been changed.

Women Better than Men 50 Reasons to be a Woman

1. Free drinks.

2. Free dinners.

3. Free movies (you get the point).

4. You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.

5. You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.

6. You know The Truth about whether size matters.

7. Speeding ticket? What's that?

8. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.

9. You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school.

10. If you have sex with someone and don't call him the next day, you're not the devil.

11. Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.

12. If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud.

13. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.

14. You can sleep your way to the top.

15. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.

16. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.

17. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.

18. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.

19. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Tom Selleck.

20. You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.

21. If you cheat on your spouse, people assume it's because you're being emotionally neglected.

22. YOU never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

23. You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.

24. No one passes out when you take off your shoes.

25. If you think the person you're dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with him.

26. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.

27. If you forget to shave, no one has to know.

28. You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her ass.

29. If you have a zit, you can conceal it.

30. You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.

31. If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.

32. You don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

33. You have the ability to dress yourself.

34. You have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

35. You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

36. If you marry someone 20 years younger, you're aware that you look like.

37. If you're wearing cologne, you don't have to pretend it's after shave.

38. You'll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.

39. You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.

40. You can quickly end any fight by crying.

41. Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.

42. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
43. You've never had a goatee.
44. Gay waiters don't make you uncomfortable.
45. You'll never regret piercing your ears.
46. You can fully assess a person just by looking at her shoes.
47. You'll never discover you've been duped by a Wonderbra.
48. You don't have hair on your back.
49. You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
50. You get to hate Paris Hilton in the way only another woman truly can.

True Love Story

wall.

"Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"

Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.

"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything.

"Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.

That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting

for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.

After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.

"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.

An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.

"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."

"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.

"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."

E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is. "You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.

"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.

"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"

"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."

"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."

"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.

"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.

"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"

"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.

"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."

"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."

I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.

"What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.

"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."

"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.

"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.

As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.

Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.

"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly.

"You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"
"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.
"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.
That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.
"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.
"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him.
"My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."
"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.
I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.
"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.
Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would
not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.
Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger
apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.
Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.
"Hello." He picked up the phone.
"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.
"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."
He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."
"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?
"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.
I'll eat dinner by myself."
"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."
"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.
Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??
I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.
Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.
"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."
As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.
"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.

"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."
I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped
"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.
But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!

"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.
"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.
And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.
Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.
They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.
When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.
Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.
Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.
Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.
I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?
I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.
We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.
I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?
With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.
"Hwei."
That's my name.
"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."
I received it and it's so beautiful.
"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."
Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.
"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."
Good that you're admitting it.
"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."
I waited so many years for those words.
"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."
You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?
"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."
Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours.
"Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"
That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.
As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.
The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.
Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung. and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.
"Will you marry me?"
When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.
Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.
So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."
I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."
I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.
I answered you. What about you?Love."

Wind Song

It was a day like the day before and the day after. The wind wrapped itself around the sod cabin in gusting moans as the pioneer family within carried out their tasks pretending not to hear. They heard the wind, however. It had been their constant companion on the open plains since their journey from Philadelphia two years before in the spring of 1865. Following the covered wagon train of ten, the wind had lifted the drab landscape into billows of dust falling on everyone and everything until there seemed but one color and one sound.

 Now Rachel sat on the bed hand-stitching a quilt while her mother hunched over a sewing machine across the room rocking her feet backwards and forwards on a foot treadle that turned the shaft that moved the needle. The thumping counter pointed the wind outside. Laughter and giggling erupted from Rachel's younger brother and sister playing jacks on the floor and it brought a smile to their sister's face, but when she glanced back at their mother she stopped smiling.

Rachel felt that her parents worked too hard. They rarely had fun or relaxation like they had enjoyed in Philadelphia. Now her father was always in the fields. Her mother prepared meals on a wood-stoked stove, did the laundry on a washboard, baked flatbread and sewed clothes to trade for goods in town. Rachel remembered her mother singing and telling stories at one time but that was before she had begun complaining about the wind and the dirt and the mud. Eventually she had stopped complaining, but she had stopped singing, too.

The door swung open and it was Rachel's father. Entering in a puff of dust, he coughed and wiped his forehead. "Mighty hot day out there."

"Well, I've got ale for you and flatbread too," replied his wife. She rose from the sewing machine and began setting the table as her husband eased himself into a chair.

"I know. I could smell it from outside. Smelled so good I came in early. What else have you all been up to while I was clearing rows with Molly and Bell?"

"Rachel's done with her quilt."

"Oh?" Rachel's father turned to look as his older daughter proudly showed off her masterpiece. It was a cheerful blooming of color with stitches outlining the squares.

"That's a mighty fine piece of work." He nodded. "How 'bout us going into town this Saturday. You can show off your quilt, your mother can take her flatbread, and I've got a bushel of onions ready."

The young children whooped excitedly and Michael, the boy, began dancing around the room, lifting his knees and clapping. There was reason for jubilation. The 20-mile trip to town in the buckboard was a once-a-month affair to which everyone in the family looked forward.

The town of Wausa, Nebraska was not unlike other little towns that had sprung up to welcome the pioneers. It was a mix of old and new buildings with wood plank sidewalks and a wide main street of dirt to accommodate trains of oxen. In one of the newer buildings was the general store. Guarding the door was a wooden Indian and next to it hung a bird cage. The family stopped for a moment to look at the yellow bird inside.

When they stepped into the store it was a universe all its own. There was the scent of wood and soap and spice. The walls were lined with racks of crates and mason jars, and along the aisles were bushel barrels of potatoes and apples. In the back neatly propped against the wall were bolts of fabric. While her brother and sister explored the store and her parents spoke with the grocer about their bread and onions, Rachel wandered back outside to look at the bird.

So bright a yellow it was a miniature piece of the sun in that dusty place. It hopped from perch to perch rarely standing still and as it hopped it kept its eyes on Rachel. Suddenly a shadow passed over the girl and startled, she looked up to see a Sioux Indian brave. Her heart beat faster. Indians sometimes came to town to barter although it was discouraged by the shopkeepers. Such a history of warfare existed between Indians and white settlers that no one felt safe. But this Indian was as fascinated by the bird as Rachel. He stared intently and then said something she couldn't understand. Seeing her puzzled face he repeated in English, "It listens to the wind." 

Before Rachel could think about what he had said, the Indian turned and walked away. Her parents appeared a moment later, having seen him through the window.

"Are you all right?" asked her father.

Rachel nodded. "He was just looking at the canary."

At that moment the little bird lifted its head, swelled its chest, and sang out a joyous trill. Rachel saw her mother's face light up with delight.

Rachel traded her quilt for the canary and never regretted it because the little bird entertained them endlessly. Sir Gallant, they called him because he did battle with the wind. The louder the wind the more loudly he sang, competition so fierce that sometimes everyone burst out laughing. Sir Gallant lifted their spirits turning dust days back into sunshine days.

Rachel thought about what the Indian had said. She'd heard the wind but unlike the canary she'd never listened to it. Now when she tried she could hear music in the moaning. Of course the music was faint and hidden in the background and she needed her imagination, but it was there if she truly listened. She began humming the sounds she heard. "That's a pretty tune" her mother commented one day, "what song is that?" Rachel didn't reply, unsure how to explain, and her mother didn't press the question. Soon she, too, began humming.

Occasionally bachelor cowpokes stopped by the cabin to buy flatbread or to have their clothes mended. They were always welcomed, not for the money in their pocket but for their company. With no neighbors for twenty miles, it was lonely on the plains. The family and guests traded news, shared a meal, and were serenaded by Sir Gallant who was often the center of conversation.

One afternoon the younger daughter Mary noticed the canary sitting motionless on his perch. "Is Sir Gallant sick?" she asked in alarm.

"No. It's just a dark day outside," her mother reassured her. "It'll be raining soon and he probably doesn't feel like singing."

The younger children accepted this explanation but not Rachel. She knew that while Sir Gallant stopped singing from time to time, he had always hopped about his cage. She went to the door and looked outside. It was deathly quiet, no wind or sounds of birds or prairie dogs. She saw the outline of her father with the two oxen in the north field and at the same time she saw black thunderclouds stacked high into the sky. There was a heaviness to the air and a prickly feeling.

The Indian's words echoed in her mind. "It listens to the wind."

Rachel thought about Sir Gallant's odd behavior and the angry thunderclouds and how strange it felt. Straining to hear, she caught a faint rumbling and it was the sound of thunder.

Suddenly Rachel knew. She absolutely knew they were in danger. "Mom," she shouted. "It's a tornado!"

Immediately Mary and Michael began screaming as their mother gathered them up and, along with Sir Gallant, rushed outside. The safest place was the root cellar at the side of the house. Throwing open the cellar doors, the mother yelled to Rachel to warn her father.

Rachel took off running across the field shouting and waving her arms, but not until she was halfway across did she get his attention.

"What's wrong?" he yelled.

It was another moment before she reached him. "Tornado."

His eyes searched the horizon. "I don't see anything, but I can bring in Molly and Bell anyway. I'll come back to the house."

"No! There's no time. Listen!" Rachel was close to hysterical and because she never lied or played tricks, he did as she asked. Finally able to hear the rumbling he jumped to action. Releasing the yoke from the harnesses on the oxen he turned them free and then grabbed Rachel's arm and they began to run. By the time they reached the sod cabin, the tornado was visible, rain drenched their bodies and a thunderous roaring pounded the air. 

The woman stood in the door of the attic and sighed. Gray and dusty in the half light, the room was filled with old furniture, boxes and a thousand forgotten memories. She had inherited its contents from her grandmother and now faced the chore of deciding the fate of each piece. Attracted to an old sewing machine, so old that it had a foot treadle, she opened the top drawer. Amidst the buttons and needles and scissors was a tiny bundle of lace neatly tied with ribbon. Curious she picked it up and unwrapped it. To her surprise she found she was unfolding the burial cloth of a canary, its body long ago dried up but carefully preserved. Holding it in her right hand she stared, perplexed, and quite unconsciously put her left hand over her heart. 

Epilog

This story was inspired by an article I read in a magazine years ago. Inheriting her grandmother's sewing machine (who had been a pioneer in one of the plains states), the author of that article found the wrapped body of a canary in one of its drawers. Intrigued she had done research, discovering just how much the pioneers had loved these little birds. The article included the photograph of a prairie cabin with three cages of canaries hanging from its eaves.